Week Ten

To get back to blogging I guess it would be good to talk about how my past few weeks and my injury has effected my head and my heart, because it most certainly has. For starters, I am very lucky...very lucky, to be able to see. It is truly amazing how one second in your life can make you appreciate everything you are given in life. There has to be a reason that I am able to sit here right now and be able to type out this blog. There has to be a higher power that has some reason for me to be in the position that am I today, and for that I am forever grateful. I honestly have never been a spiritually open person. Whether I have admitted it or not I do believe in a God, a higher power so to speak, but never really truly believed. I guess in some way I was never given a reason to. That probably sounds pretty bad but I never really thought about it and just took life, and what it gives and takes, for what it is. I never was truly apart of something in which I cannot explain why I am who and where I am today. I've always been under the idea that life is sort of like a game of cards, play the hand your dealt and you can always make the best of it. So that is what I've been doing until I truly realized and understood that those cards aren't yours. They can come and go just like that. That is probably what I learned to most. To be thankful for what you have, to appreciate it, to take a step back every now and again to realize that and don't forget how quickly life can change. That is something I think a lot of people forget in life and don't either remember or give themseleves time to do and think about. My past week has definitely made me believe in something higher and made me spiritually reflect on my life and my gifts and see if I am going in the right direction. Maybe my injury was a wake up call, a warning or my turning point in which I should change up some things in my life or go in a different direction. I am not really sure what to think of it just yet, I still have some time to reflect on it and heal up a bit before I can truly make a decision on some things. I think it might take a bit for my head and my heart to stop spinning in different directions and come together again on this to make the right choice but I know for sure that this injury was telling me something. What it was telling me? That is what I have to figure out....

I'll be sure to post some pictures of my injury once I figure out how to get them off of my phone and on to my computer

Week Seven

I think this week I found a great example of how balance is needed in life. The past few days I have been completely consumed in baseball, particularly in the fact that I have not played particularly well, and thus missed some opportunities. As a result, I have been miserable. In all, I have let this become an obsession. I have tried too hard to play well, pressed too much and now that I hasn't really worked out, I am in complete desolation. To really some it up, I feel lost. This feeling not only has effected me, but also my friends, family and roommates as over the past week I have closed myself off to a lot of people who care about me. I feel completely disconnected with myself, my head, heart, what is really important in life, you name it. I think that maybe it is a time for me to take a step back for a little while and really put things into perspective, to find that balance of what is truly important in life. I need to remember how to have fun, how to play just to play, how to enjoy everything that is thrown at me, and realize what is really important. I think that it is important to find this balance and to refresh my head. My heart is at a point now where I feel that I am not in control, when I know in fact that I am. I feel that I am behind the wheel but the steering is doing it's own thing honestly. Its like a sick game being played in my head and heart. So, with that said, I am using this fall break to take some time for me to relax, reconnect with myself and what, and who, truly matter to me and how this imbalance I currently have should not be a worry of mine. Hopefully, this break will be a good refresher for me to figure things out and reestablish myself, my mind and soul again.

Week Six

After reading about Ignatius' life, I found that I envy two real distinct parts.  The part of his life that I envy the most was his "Ah-Ha' moment at the River, when his head and his heart truly connected and he felt true consolation.  I feel that in my life I have had semi "Ah-Ha" moments, if you will, that have given me my consolation and a great feeling.  But nothing really has made me feel connected truly yet between my head and my heart.  Most of my "Ah-Ha" moments and feeling of consolation come after playing a good game, doing well on an exam, or soing a good deed.  Sure I feel good inside and I am happy but that feeling is only brief- my connection between my head and heart is only temporary.  Ignatius' moment at the River and his consolations resulted in a life time of that feeling.  I have experienced bits and pieces of that special, unique and desirable feeling, but never for a long time.  I've always wondered how it would feel to experience that feeling, that you have figured it out, that you understand yourself, you are totally connected with the world and more importantly with yourself, each and everyday.  As I continue to grow each and every day and learn new things about myself and what I would like to do with my life, this is something that I would like to accomplish- find my "Ah-Ha" moment, find my consolation and feel truly connected with my head and my heart.

The other part of Ignatius' life that I envy is his travel with friends.  For years my friends from high school and I have been talking about taking a backpacking trip somewhere in the world together.  Each year that goes by I kind of realize that our window of opportunity to do this is getting smaller and smaller.  My friends and I have always been really close, like brothers, and we all think that taking a trip like this would be a great memory and experience to share together.  Simarily with my goal of finding my "Ah-Ha" moment, I am making it a goal to make this trip happen somehow for my friends and I.  When and where we will go?  Thats a good question, but this is surely something that we need to do.

Week Five

For this post, I am going to blog about something different. Last night, Saturday, I was able to be back home in New York to attend my cousin's wedding. I have been to family functions like this before and the all seem to go the same way. See family members you haven't seen in a long time, see others that you always see, enjoy each others company, take a few pictures etc. For some reason, this weekend was different. Being around my family, together, which is something we have not done for I'd say over five or six years, made me feel special and made me appreciate my family so much. I felt something different this weekend, something unique. I looked around at all my family and felt grateful to have so many people around me, special people, who cared about me and who were interested in my life. I never was the type of person who was very family orientated, partially because I really was not brought up that way. Family has always been important to us but it was never greatly stressed. But this weekend showed me the importance of family. Family is there for you no matter what. During the good times, during the bad and during your everyday life family is always around. I know that my family has always been there for me and I have never appreciated them really for it. Maybe it is because I am more mature now and know more about my family, but I feel more awaken to the meaning of family, to the meaning of love and to how special those who are close to you in your life truly are and cannot be replaced.

Week Four

I am at my most peace and most joy when I travel. Wherever it is that I go, and whether it is through driving or flying, I feel most peaceful. When I travel and get to experience life and the world in a different manner I feel that I am able to relax and let my troubles stay behind. When I go somewhere unique and different I feel that no one can get to me, that I can think for myself and be able to let my heart find peace and connect with myself. This is when I am able to reflect on my days, my troubles, my excitements, my life and my passions. Oddly enough, traveling and vacations for me are the most rewarding. I get to accomplish things that I struggle to get done during my everyday life, focus my head and heart in order to put my life and current situation in perspective. To me, this is peaceful. My time alone traveling, even if it is with family or friends, makes me appreciate life and all of its benefits and always leaves a lasting impact on my head and heart. I feel mentally focused after my travels and my heart feels refreshed and rejuvenated to be able to connect with my passions and remain opened to life and all of the endless possibilities for myself. For reasons I cannot explain, traveling influences me, excites me and drives me to be the best person I can possibly be. This past summer I got the opportunity to intern in Brazil for 6 weeks. This trip was most rewarding for me not simply because of the work experience and tools that I gained from it but also because it allowed me to grow as an individual and feel in control of my own life, thoughts and path in the world.

Week Three

What would I do in the last hour of my life?  Where would I be and who would I want to remember me and how?  In my last hours, I would like to make my best efforts to tell those in my life who have made a lasting impact on it, who have made a difference for me and shaped me, that I cannot express truly how much they have done for me.  More specifically, I would like to tell my father that what he has done for me over the years and how he has sacrificed for me and raised me means the world to me.  My father and I have had an interesting relationship.  My parents divorced when I was only two years old and although separated by nearly 50 miles, my father made it his number one priority, over supporting himself, his job, his son and my stepmom, to be in my life at every moment.  My father would drive hours to come watch my little league games, spend nights driving me to and from his house just so we could spend time together and talk to me for endless hours each night on the phone for nearly 15 years just so I felt that he was there.  His biggest sacrifice that he made, one which I don't ever think that I could truly thank him enough for, was when he relocated 100 miles from his home, his job and his life in order to perserve my well being and happiness.  Seeing that my mother was struggling with alcoholism which was unknown to me really at the time, and just prior to her moving into a rehab center, my father transitioned his life in order for me to still have some normalcy in it.  His new life consisted of a grueling six hour commute to work, a more expensive home, another mouth to feed, but he never complained.  His dedication and love for me goes beyond words and without him I know for a fact that I would not be in this position today.  He is my leader, my role model and my hero for what he has done.  My only wish is that I could be half the man and father that he was for me, because he is one of a kind.  In my last hour, or in his, I will make sure that he knows what a special person that he is to me and that I love him.  I would like to be remembered in my last hour the same way that he will be remembered by me in his last hour.

Week Two

My time of crisis started when I was an upperclassman in high school. Shortly before my senior year, my mother was checked into an alcohol rehab center to fight her battle with alcoholism. Her decision to finally get help with her problem made a major impact in my life. For one, it showed me the power of addiction and the strength, inner courage and desire it takes to overcome such an addiction. It also showed me how such an addiction can strain even the most powerful and strong relationships, but at the same time how such an addiction can bring people closer together and show what individuals are truly made of. My mother raised me as a single parent. With that being said she was my best friend. However, when she left to battle her addictions I felt a piece of me leave too. Her absence from my high school graduation, my moving in day at college and my overall everyday life put a great hole in our relationship. It took nearly three years for me to see her again and take the steps to rebuilding our relationship. This was such an emotion rollercoaster and crisis for me as I did not think that I could ever have the same relationship and friendship that I did with my mother before she left. But some how some way I found strength and courage, like she did, to overcome my own crisis and make the strides to find my friend again.

Week One

Why Ignatius Loyola?

After two years at Loyola, I have always heard about Ignatius but didn't really know anything at all about him.  I was raised catholic and until coming to Loyola I was clueless even about the name Ignatius.  I enrolled in this class really because I would feel pretty stupid for not knowing or understanding anything about Ignatius Loyola and graduating from Loyola University.  Also, I was hoping that enrolling in this class could potentially open my eyes a little more to spirituality, not just religion in general.  Over the past few years I have become interested in learning a bit more about spirituality and how it can relate to me, or I can relate to it.  After just two weeks in this class so far I feel that I am not only learning more about Ignatius and spirituality, but myself in general and how spirituality relates to my own life.  I am feeling more comfortable with the idea of being spiritual and the fact that it has to be found within oneself, something that I never really thought about.  I am enjoying that this class is so far challenging in the sense that it is getting me to think critically and outside the box, something that I did not think a religious studies class could really grab my attention and do.  In the end, I am excited to continue the semester and see what I can learn and maybe how my new knowledge can shape me, my growing mind and my overall life in general.