Week Seven

I think this week I found a great example of how balance is needed in life. The past few days I have been completely consumed in baseball, particularly in the fact that I have not played particularly well, and thus missed some opportunities. As a result, I have been miserable. In all, I have let this become an obsession. I have tried too hard to play well, pressed too much and now that I hasn't really worked out, I am in complete desolation. To really some it up, I feel lost. This feeling not only has effected me, but also my friends, family and roommates as over the past week I have closed myself off to a lot of people who care about me. I feel completely disconnected with myself, my head, heart, what is really important in life, you name it. I think that maybe it is a time for me to take a step back for a little while and really put things into perspective, to find that balance of what is truly important in life. I need to remember how to have fun, how to play just to play, how to enjoy everything that is thrown at me, and realize what is really important. I think that it is important to find this balance and to refresh my head. My heart is at a point now where I feel that I am not in control, when I know in fact that I am. I feel that I am behind the wheel but the steering is doing it's own thing honestly. Its like a sick game being played in my head and heart. So, with that said, I am using this fall break to take some time for me to relax, reconnect with myself and what, and who, truly matter to me and how this imbalance I currently have should not be a worry of mine. Hopefully, this break will be a good refresher for me to figure things out and reestablish myself, my mind and soul again.

Week Six

After reading about Ignatius' life, I found that I envy two real distinct parts.  The part of his life that I envy the most was his "Ah-Ha' moment at the River, when his head and his heart truly connected and he felt true consolation.  I feel that in my life I have had semi "Ah-Ha" moments, if you will, that have given me my consolation and a great feeling.  But nothing really has made me feel connected truly yet between my head and my heart.  Most of my "Ah-Ha" moments and feeling of consolation come after playing a good game, doing well on an exam, or soing a good deed.  Sure I feel good inside and I am happy but that feeling is only brief- my connection between my head and heart is only temporary.  Ignatius' moment at the River and his consolations resulted in a life time of that feeling.  I have experienced bits and pieces of that special, unique and desirable feeling, but never for a long time.  I've always wondered how it would feel to experience that feeling, that you have figured it out, that you understand yourself, you are totally connected with the world and more importantly with yourself, each and everyday.  As I continue to grow each and every day and learn new things about myself and what I would like to do with my life, this is something that I would like to accomplish- find my "Ah-Ha" moment, find my consolation and feel truly connected with my head and my heart.

The other part of Ignatius' life that I envy is his travel with friends.  For years my friends from high school and I have been talking about taking a backpacking trip somewhere in the world together.  Each year that goes by I kind of realize that our window of opportunity to do this is getting smaller and smaller.  My friends and I have always been really close, like brothers, and we all think that taking a trip like this would be a great memory and experience to share together.  Simarily with my goal of finding my "Ah-Ha" moment, I am making it a goal to make this trip happen somehow for my friends and I.  When and where we will go?  Thats a good question, but this is surely something that we need to do.

Week Five

For this post, I am going to blog about something different. Last night, Saturday, I was able to be back home in New York to attend my cousin's wedding. I have been to family functions like this before and the all seem to go the same way. See family members you haven't seen in a long time, see others that you always see, enjoy each others company, take a few pictures etc. For some reason, this weekend was different. Being around my family, together, which is something we have not done for I'd say over five or six years, made me feel special and made me appreciate my family so much. I felt something different this weekend, something unique. I looked around at all my family and felt grateful to have so many people around me, special people, who cared about me and who were interested in my life. I never was the type of person who was very family orientated, partially because I really was not brought up that way. Family has always been important to us but it was never greatly stressed. But this weekend showed me the importance of family. Family is there for you no matter what. During the good times, during the bad and during your everyday life family is always around. I know that my family has always been there for me and I have never appreciated them really for it. Maybe it is because I am more mature now and know more about my family, but I feel more awaken to the meaning of family, to the meaning of love and to how special those who are close to you in your life truly are and cannot be replaced.